Blitz 482 - Leaving, Leaving
Goodbye Cheetah

Was going to blog this yesterday but didn't really feel up to it.

I spent the entire of Friday morning packing up my bunk and all my stuff, there's so little stuff I brought home that it shocked me. My area was THE area in the bunk; not to say it was happening but too damn MESSY! Yet when stowed together it barely even filled my duffel and field pack at all. One of the mysteries of Cheetah Coy...

When I finally stacked helmet on field pack on duffel bag, I looked around my area. Cupboard was empty except some last minute stuff I'd need on Monday; area was clean (For ONCE! I'm proud of myself.) and everything looked so tidy. And empty.

When I was done I lifted my head and looked around the bunk. Different layout, yes, but what really stood out was the table. A month ago the table perpetually had the cleaning and eating tools on it. Now it was... empty. Devoid of anything except the freshly laid out plastic and mahjong paper underneath it.

No, this truly was not my bunk anymore.

Wanted to do my medical FFI but medical center was closed. What the hell. Went to find people to do my clearance but a lot of them were on off/leave/medical leave and what not. Damn it! At least I won't have to face RSM.

At the end of the day, I went down to the office and looked around for any last minute items I had left behind. Then I spotted my copy of Ship of Magic on the table. Picking it up, I looked at it for a while, then placed it into my bag.

It's odd. All the while packing my stuff, I didn't feel anything except a frustration for all the things I had to buy but never used at all (SOP box, FAD, etc etc) and was going to throw away. But removing that book from the office seemed so... permanent. That book had been there since months and months ago, and people were always complaining about it taking up space but reading it anyway. I must have read that at least five times when I was in the office with nothing better to do. It's been there so long, it just felt.. sad to take it away. Then looking around, I packed up and left.

Weird.

Well. On off/leave/public holiday for next week, then going back for another Monday before it's off/leave again. I've more or less said goodbye to everyone I need to say goodbye with, and packed up 99% of my stuff. I managed to not feel that sense of loss and separation, but then again, I felt that weeks ago already. My Cheetah Company no longer exists; it ceased to exist when everyone else ORD-ed ten days back.

I'm sad, but not as sad as I was when everyone first left the company. I guess nothing in this life really stays forever.


Blitzes to your Blitzes:

crys: Hahas you need English lessons!

mel: Yup. Managed to survive.. Yay! You take care, okay.


~No longer there~

Blitz 481 - Detached
I don't belong here anymore

Blogging in the battalion's iNet room and it's weird. Like I'm trying to write a diary in a noisy room.

...Well I guess that's essentially what I'm trying to do. LoL.

Spent the entire day settling all the OVM and stuffs in the company, that's enough to give me a real headache already. And then there's the fact that everyone else has gone, leaving a few unfamiliar faces in their places. I only know a few people's names now.

It's a kind of sad, teary feeling, when I look around the bunk with its revamped look. But then I guess I'm glad the new specs revamped the place, because I don't think I could take it looking at the same bunk without the same... people, in it. That would just hurt too much.

Sigh.

One part of me just wants to forget everything, forever. Everywhere I go, I see all the changes made by the new specialists, and Gods I resent that. But then I'm also happy, because seeing the changes makes me really feel that the place is no longer the place I was once happy to be in. Helps me be more detached to everything.

Right now the days are dragging by. Minute after minute, hour after hour, and I'm just waiting to be rescued from it all tomorrow when I bookout, but even then's no respite because the guys will all be overseas then and I won't be able to do -anything- with them.

Seperate comes so soon, so quickly, and leaves me breathless in its wake.

Sigh.

I won't ever, ever get used to this feeling. I know I've said this before a lot of times. But I just never will feel that way.

Life sucks here in 46 SAR now. I'm spending all my time with Zhen Wei and my PCs, because they're the closest thing to friends I have right now, but I still really ache for all my company mates, yes even Ziqi and Chien Wei, for people to really talk and laugh and do whatever I can with. It's so... quiet now.

I'm retreating back into my white room again. This time, the paint's a little harder to whitewash over...


~Things are just so ~ Different~

Whatever it is,
With or without me,
I hope everyone is okay,
And stop frowning so much.

Smiles suit a lot of people more.

Blitz 480 - Empty
I don't think I'll ever get used to this

Just got back from my battalion's ORD function, and man I'm tired. I haven't laughed that hard in ages.

The evening was bittersweet because while the guys were doing all sorts of hilarious and embarassing things on stage, I kept having the thought that this would be the last time we did such silly and funny things together. This time was, really and truly, goodbye.

Well. At least we went out with a bang.

This battalion really owes us a lot, to the old specialists who have already ORD-ed and to those who are about to ORD (like me), because of everything we've done for them and everything else we've managed to achieve for them. If CO and RSM thinks we can be bought over by words and a golden letter-opener, they've got another thing coming. But if there's one thing I thank the battalion for, that's giving me the chance to make such great friends over the year I've been here.

I shook hands with everyone I thought worth it, and said goodbye to all those around me, but then again, I don't think I'll ever get used to the process called seperation.

Classic moment of the night: "S-Sometimes?" by Zhen Wei. That one word in the middle of the speech rocked.

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When You're Gone
Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd
Need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you


Okay not in the boy-girl sense, but this song just took on a whole lot of meaning for me. Sigh.

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To all the ORD-ing specialists, I might or might not send you a letter into your mailboxes, and you might or might not read this, but just wanna say that I'll really, really miss you when all of you are gone. Especially those who bunked in with me for over one year, thanks for putting up with all my eccentricities and less-than-tidy area. The bunk just won't be the same with all of you gone.

Thank you, and good luck to whatever the future may hold for all of you. I'll miss you guys!!


~I guess this is goodbye~

Random Blitz - Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days
A screwed up feeling

So I just finished this DS game, Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days. To anyone who's a fan of the KH series, this game is really a must-play. To those who own an NDS, but have never played the KH series, you can give this game a try too, although you will be at a loss to knowing what's going on and more importantly, who exactly is who.

After the game ended I was feeling entirely screwed up and sad, because the game's storyline was so beautifully sad that it should just be illegal. In a brief summary, the game's main character is Roxas, and he's in this Organization XIII where thirteen people are attempting to complete this thing called Kingdom Hearts so that they can gain hearts of their own. It's complicated really. And not surprisingly, Roxas is No. XIII.

Roxas befriends Axel, No. VIII in the Organization, and the newest addition, No. XIV, Xion. These three become fast friends and a lot of the game is spent on the sweet times they spend on the clock tower eating ice cream, where Roxas never fails to hang out with an ice cream stick in hand after every day's mission. But because of all the dark secrets surrounding Roxas and Xion, the three are inevitably torn apart, as is in a lot of games, but the seperation is so bitter and events unfold so terribly that you really feel for the three.

I felt especially sad looking at Axel, because of all the things he had to go through, when in the end all he probably wanted was the three of them to be together eating ice cream at the clock tower, just like Roxas and Xion. But he's forced to play the bad guy so many times, that my heart goes out to him.

I get sad just thinking about it. =(

From a fan's point of view, Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days answers a lot of questions that popped up in previous Kingdom Hearts games, and is one of the best highlights ever in the series. Won't say more on the subject, go play if you want to know. Been feeling totally screwed up because of the game, and needed an outlet somewhere. Hahas. Five on five stars, people.


Blitzes to your Blitzes:

mel: Yup... Thanks yeah. You too.

Angelays: Really? Hahas.. I'll take a look-see.

Pris: Hahas.. Okay. BUT only after your exams!


~Go on, you just keep running. But I'll always be there to bring you back!~

Random Blitz - More Colorgenics
This thing is imba

At this time you are really feeling quite exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling that is going on about you and you are looking for some sort of protection from this state of affairs. Ideally you are seeking a peaceful condition and a tranquil environment in which you can be afforded the chance to relax and recover.

Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.
For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non-fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.


What the hell. I'm loving this quiz more and more each time I take it.


~Blitzed off by Wakka02~

Blitz 479 - I Wonder?
Haven't done this for ages.

=(

In camp nowadays, that's my facial expression more often than not.

What exactly went wrong? What changed, since when have I been standing on the other side of everyone else, when we used to all band together and work on the same front?

Is this about ORD dates now? Is a month, really that different?

I should detach myself now, is that it? Save myself the pain? Is this why we can't agree on anything now?

Is ORD a reason to stop trying?

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I haven't used this function for a long, long time.

I wonder if anyone will even see this message?

I wonder why I'm even typing this bit out? I really don't think anyone will see this. Least of all you whom this is targeted at.

You don't get it. You just don't get it. Goodbye, goodbye, you don't get it at all, what I mean when I say that.

How maddening.

How can you still say, it's the effort that counts, when you yourself haven't been putting in that little bit of effort? Hypocrite.

Friendships fade and die, all the time, nothing stays forever.

I'd rather not have any friends at all then.

This is goodbye then. I'll try hard not to think about you anymore. When I think back on all the little things said... Things are just not the same anymore. I brought you back a smile. You gave me back nothing but a shattered trust, in the end.

Trust is something not easily given, anymore.

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Damn it all.


No mood for Blitzes.


~Blitzed off by Wakka02~

Blitz 478 - Chivalry
A dead thing?

Was reading the newspaper while brunch-ing today when I ran across an article in Lifestyle. Two reporters working for The Straits Times were quarreling in the middle of the street in various locations, escalating to the point where the man started to use unprovoked violence on the woman, in a bid to investigate how many Singaporeans would actually stand up for the woman and cease the violence.

The results were disappointing.

Many Singaporeans just breezed by the pair, albeit sending shocked, sneaking gazes at them. None stopped them, until a pair of Caucasians went up and stopped the man. When the man said "It's none of your business", one man said, "If you continue doing that it is my business." The pair then dropped the act, mission accomplished.

I wonder. Singaporeans strive so hard to keep a clean image in society, worry so much about face, reputation, etc. etc., and then comes this. Caring Singaporeans? Please. Get a grip.

Sometimes, I'm not very proud of my nationality.

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Sometimes I don't know what to say to you anymore.

I wonder why I even try to talk to you again and again. It takes two hands to clap, so why am I the only one clapping? Sure, you get noise, but instead of applause it's just that... noise. What a mockery.

Maybe the only thing left... is how to say goodbye.

Sigh.

It just has to hurt this much.

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Blitzes to your Blitzes:

Pris: Hahas.. Long outdated alr. But good luck for mid terms all the same!

Jeremyyy: No... Battalion Proficiency Test next. Ew. Two more!!


~Maybe it's better if I just.. let it fall apart.~